Helping children manage distress in the aftermath of a shooting

With last week’s tragedy at a Connecticut elementary school, parents may be struggling with how to talk to their children about a shooting rampage.

Psychologists say it’s important to remember that children look to their parents to make them feel safe. This is true no matter what age your children are, be they toddlers, adolescents or even young adults.

Dr. Steven Cody, president of the West Virginia Psychological Association, suggested parents consider the following tips for helping children manage their distress.

Talk with your child. Talking to your children about their worries and concerns is the first step to help them feel safe and begin to cope with the events occurring around them. What you talk about and how you say it does depend on their age, but all children need to be able to know you are there listening to them.

Find times when they are most likely to talk, such as when riding in the car, before dinner or at bedtime.

Start the conversation. Let them know you are interested in them and how they are coping with the information they are getting.

Listen to their thoughts and point of view. Don’t interrupt. Allow them to express their ideas and understanding before you respond.

Express your own opinions and ideas without putting down theirs. Acknowledge that it is okay to disagree.
Remind them you are there for them to provide safety, comfort and support. Give them a hug.

Keep home a safe place. Children, regardless of age, often find home to be a safe haven when the world around them becomes overwhelming.
During times of crisis, it is important to remember that your children may come home seeking the safe feeling they have being there. Help make it a place where your children find the solitude or comfort they need. Plan a night where everyone participates in a favorite family activity.

Watch for signs of stress, fear or anxiety. After a traumatic event, it is typical for children (and adults) to experience a wide range of emotions, including fearfulness, shock, anger, grief and anxiety.

Your children’s behaviors may change because of their response to the event. They may experience trouble sleeping, difficulty with concentrating on school work or changes in appetite. This is normal for everyone and should begin to disappear in a few months.

Encourage your children to put their feelings into words by talking about them or journaling. Some children may find it helpful to express their feelings through art.

Take “news breaks.” Your children may want to keep informed by gathering information about the event from newspapers, television or the internet.

It’s important to limit the amount of time spent watching the news because constant exposure may actually heighten their anxiety and fears. Also, scheduling some breaks for yourself is important. Allow time for activities you enjoy.

Take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. Be a model for your children on how to manage traumatic events. Keep regular schedules for activities such as family meals and exercise to help restore a sense of security and normalcy.